John & Janet » Family

Janet has stripped to the waist!

janet — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 20:32:05 +0000

Janet has been to see her Doctor and as per her last couple of visits, he continued to tap away at his computer, not looking at her and not showing any inclination to leave the security provided by his desk. Janet did wonder if perhaps at some point he would take on a Little Britain persona and say ” the computer says no” Janet reflected that at one time when you went to see your Doctor, the first thing he did was look at your throat, your ears and eyes and take your temperature, even if it was fairly obvious that you were suffering from a broken arm, an ingrowing toenail, piles or depression. Not anymore, GPs appear to be more interested in processing data than having any direct contact with their patients. All this changed today when Janet had a hospital appointment, she did expect to remove some of her clothing, what she didn’t expect was to have to strip to the waist for thirty minutes whilst at least three people came, went, poked and prodded. Twenty years ago it might not have been such an ordeal but as far as Janet is concerned being in a state of undress in front of an audience is not top of her wish list especially when her bangers as Gok Wan would say, are being tossed about rather unceremoniously. All in all Janet believes that women of a certain age should refrain from stripping to the waist, it can rarely be done graciously and in all honesty can never be considered a good look.

Janet and John are in love

janet — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 20:36:24 +0000

Janet knew there was someone else when John started leaving the house every day, when questioned about where he was going , his response was always the same, he was just popping out. John suspected there was someone else when he heard Janet making a droning noise which he could by some stretch of the imagination associate with humming , Janet was not known for her musicality, this combined with the fact that she seemed to be smiling constantly made him feel there was something not quite right with her behaviour. Truth be told Janet and John have both fallen in love with with someone who has only recently come into their lives and that’s their new Grand-Son, a bubbly blowing bundle of loveliness who they argue over having cuddles with and who can make them melt with a smile. Every day they wonder what new joy he will bring and who he will talk to and smile at first.

Janet and John are waiting for the best Christmas Present ever!

janet — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 15:26:51 +0000

Janet and John are ready and waiting for the fat man in the red suit to arrive, normally on Christmas eve Janet would be in full flight muttering ”bah humbug” to anyone willing to listen. Janet thinks Christmas has become rather obscene but John quite enjoys the whole drinking and eating experience and tries to ignore the more physically demanding aspects such as shopping, wrapping and delivering Christmas gifts. However, this year they are both rather excited as their Son and Daughter-in-Law are expecting their first baby, a boy who was due to arrive over a week ago. Janet who thinks that the most perfect Christmas present would be a Grandson is for once looking forward to Christmas day and will make a point of looking out tonight for a bright star!

Janet and John find a pub run by the cast from the Deliverance

janet — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:54:26 +0000

Janet and John have been to a family funeral. Just before the service which was at a church set in the heart of the welsh countryside, they decided to stop off at a small pub. As they opened the front door they were greeted by a sheep dog who welcomed them by jumping up and barking, the woman behind the bar shouted and swore at the dog, which sent him skulking into the corner. Janet asked the woman who had a hacking cough, some of her own teeth and dull grey hair tied in a bun, who appeared to be in her eighties for a drink. John had a lager which he said had a funny smell, Janet decided to stick to a bottle of juice. The bar looked like someones lounge, a lounge that had been forgotten by time, Janet hesitated when it came to ordering sandwiches but they were both hungry. As she was trying to narrow down the safest option, bearing in mind it didn’t look as if that many people used this pub, the phone rang, the dog started barking and jumping, which prompted the woman to start shouting and swearing again. A man who had been hunched up over a lap top answered it, the dog left the bar, Janet ordered cheese baps and followed him. After thirty minutes Janet went to check on the order which was just appearing from the kitchen, she asked for a serviette, this brought on a fit of coughing and swearing. John was really hungry by this point but he struggled with the bap which had been defrosted in the microwave was hard in places and held the biggest slab of cheese he had seen outside a supermarket. Janet and John wanted to drag their tongue across the floor after they had eaten it. In future they will think twice before stopping in remote pubs, especially those run by the cast of the Deliverance.

Janet, John and refurbishing Property

janet — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:51:52 +0000

Janet and John sold the Hotel within weeks of putting it on the market. They were happy that all their hard work had paid off and were rewarded with a healthy profit. They realised that the Hotel had been a huge success due to John’s DIY skills, their ability to work hard and their attention to detail. They felt these skills would be well suited for their new adventure, Janet and John left the Hotel with very few possessions, fewer regrets and every intention on becoming property developers. Within the first few years of selling the Hotel they moved house several times. This sometimes caused great confusion particularly for their Son who after getting into a Taxi a little drunk one night forgot where he lived. This experience left him some what traumatised, it was only in later years that Janet and John realised that they hadn’t actually lived in a Home, only a series of houses.

Janet and John Sell the Hotel

janet — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:03:57 +0000

Janet was thrilled that the Hotel was a great success and people felt comfortable in the newly refurbished and stylish bedrooms. She was truly happy that newly weds and couples away for a relaxing break, did just that, relaxed to the point that inhibitions went out the window and selfish abandonment became a priority. But Janet had had enough of sharing the moment, she planned to move out of the Hotel into the property John had bought and modernised. She no longer wanted to listen to people having more fun than her. No, hopefully, they would be able to sell the Hotel fairly quickly and get back to some sort of normality. She wanted to be free from cleaning, cooking and waiting on other people, she wanted to get back to being rude when she wanted, swear when she wanted, eat when she wanted, go to the toilet when she wanted and most importantly not have to sleep with other people.

Janet and John have a Cunning Plan

janet — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:02:00 +0000

Janet and John’s Hotel was a great success, they were very pleased at how quickly they had established themselves. Most of the regular businessmen who stayed with them were no trouble, they had a routine of early breakfasts, a cup of tea and a chat when they came in after work, followed by a shower a change of clothes and a meal with drinks in the bar. When Janet and John went to bed, they were comfortable knowing who was sleeping above them, below them and to the side of them, it was a bit like the Waltons. It was the other guests who having come away were intent on enjoying themselves, day and night! It was becoming a strain, Janet had heard so much squealing, moaning or groaning, it was beginning to get to her, not only was she was fed up of loosing out on her sleep she was even more fed up thinking others were having more fun than her. No she didn’t want to sleep with other people anymore. John had a cunning plan, the Hotel was taking over their lives, if they bought another property they could use it to get away, Janet needed a break from the Hotel, she certainly wasn’t as tolerant of the guests anymore and he was acting more like Basil Fawlty every day.

Janet and John have been Sledging in the BMW

janet — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 18:02:18 +0000

John has always had a keen interest in cars, Janet thinks that if he could bring his car into the house, like a pet, he would. He has had a BMW for a few years, before owning his 5 series he had a Volvo. Anyone who has owned one will confirm the ride is like travelling down the motorway on your sofa, it is an incredibly comfortable car. The problem came after the car blew up, well not in it’s entirety, just the engine, but it was enough to unsettle John and he started to look for a replacement. The BMW fulfilled all of John’s needs and Janet thought it rather special too. After a couple of years driving a manual, John decided to spoil himself and buy an automatic, he was thrilled with it. All right it was diesel and it did rattle a bit when you started it up, it didn’t have as much power as the previous model but over all Janet and John were pleased with their choice of car. That is until it snowed, they are both agreed, that in the snow it is absolutely useless, it has little or no traction, braking is a thing of dreams. For example John and Janet were approaching a roundabout in Great Yarmouth, John naturally started to brake, giving the lady driving her Smart car right of way, nothing happened. Janet noticed the horror on the driver’s face as they slid towards her, she had very large blue eyes, yes they were that close, she must have been thinking that her small car was going to become much smaller. John took the only action available to him, he turned the car towards the kerb, which Janet thought was very brave of him, she knows how much he loves his alloy wheels. They did get home safely, but the BMW will not be going out in the snow again, unless of course Janet and John want the excitement of riding on a very comfortable sledge.

Janet and John have been to Great Yarmouth

janet — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 17:15:21 +0000

Janet and John have been to Great Yarmouth for a family wedding, it was a lovely way for them to start the New Year. The Bride wore a beautiful dress which had swarovski crystals decorating the bodice and a skirt which had endless layers of voile. The seven bridesmaids all wore dresses of blue and white, the final finishing touch to the outfits were white fur shrugs, which they really needed as there was a fine layer of snow on the ground and the fountain at the Hotel where the reception was held was frozen, but with it’s hanging icicles it made a wonderful backdrop for the photos. Janet and John enjoyed catching up with relatives they hadn’t seen for a while, they do keep in touch with each other by phone and e-mail but Janet thinks there is nothing better than having an old fashioned gossip. With fresh snow fall over night combined with glorious sunshine Janet and John set off to explore Great Yarmouth. They felt the snow gave the area a picturesque quality which was probably just as well, as like a lot of seaside resorts out of season the sea front with it’s closed arcades didn’t look particularly welcoming. Janet and John were a little disappointed, they decided they wouldn’t be putting Great Yarmouth on their list of places they wanted to visit again in retirement.

Janet and John want to move next to Gavin and Stacy

janet — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 22:17:41 +0000

Janet and John have just watched the last episode of Gavin and Stacy, they thought it was brilliant! The characters, the humour, the storyline all perfect. No doubt there will be many people who having watched the programme will want to visit Wales and experience Welsh lushness for themselves. Hopefully, there will be a follow up and this won’t be the last we see of Gavin and Stacy. Meanwhile, Janet and John intend to visit Barry, what could be better than living in Wales by the seaside, they want to live next door to Gavin and Stacy!